Bad Romance

So yeah my current obsession is Lady Gaga's Bad Romance... Idk why though...

Anyways there's less than a week until one of my best friends comes to visit and I'm so excited! Thanksgiving with him is gonna be super fun!!!! :)

Ps. I realized that in part of Bad Romance she's literally making references to Alfred Hitchcock movies, Psycho, Vertigo, Rear Window, Sicko!!! That definitely gave her points in my eyes

I want your psycho Your vertigo stick Want you in my rear window Baby it's sick I want your love Love, Love, Love I want your love (Love, Love, Love I want your love)

Sorry!

Jambo, jambo bwana. Habari gani mazuri sana. Wageni, wageni (some word I forgot). Kenya yetu hakuna matata.

Hey so once again my life has been hectic since summer started. I went to Costa Rica first which was great but it wasn't as great as I thought it would be... I thought it would be amazing but for the time I was there it was good but never life changing. I stayed with a family that consisted of a mother, father and three children in a two bedroom house. It was cramped and I definitely got to experience another side of life.

I then went to Kenya which was the most amazing experience of my life. When I look back on my posts I realize what a whiny loser I sounded like because the kids that I met and worked with in Kenya have real problems to overcome and although mine seem huge, in the grand scheme of things they will all work themselves out. I'm going to try to attach an essay I wrote about Kenya. It's too amazing to put into words but if people want to hear about it I'll write more about in a special post by request.

So I'm at my new school and I like it a lot. I feel like my life has resembled the song by All Time Low, Weightless. "Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year", I have a feeling and I hope that this will be my year, I have so much I want to do for Children of Kibera and in general and I just feel this light waiting to get out.

On another note one of the guys that gave me so much trouble last year is coming to visit me in two weeks :)! I've gotten a lot closer to him again and he's one of my best friends. He can always make me happy, believes in me and supports me. He still frustrates me but I guess you just have to take the good with the bad.

Some songs from the Children of Red Rose:

"On on on we are marching on the children of Red Rose are marching on. We can march on the land we can march on the sea we can really march in the air"

"Down in the Jungle where nobody goes there's a big elephant washing his clothes with a rumba rumba here and a rumba rumba there that's the he washes his clothes. Boogie down down boogie woogie that's he washes his clothes."

Changes, Hecticness and Parties

Woah long time since last post! SO a lot has happened like um.. I forgot lol! I've been so busy lately seeing movies and hanging out ect. So i'm officially switching schools again lol! And I'm going down to Atl to get my liscence soon thank god! :) I have exams coming up, oh track ended. We went to states and got 6th my 4 by 1 team placed and ended up doing a hell of a lot better than we were expected to do :). I'm packing for Costa Rica and Kenya since those trips are fastly approaching, I got all of my shots except one and I have to start taking Malaria pills soon which is creepy! What else happened... idk my life has just been hectic lately. But I love living in DC/Maryland there's so much more to do around here and it's more of a city than Atlanta is by a mile. I don't miss Atlanta as much anymore, not even the people really. I mean I'll always remember them but they're more part of my past and I'm looking towards the future and at least I realized what type of friendship we had now instead of later. I also decided to leave some old friendships. I was trying so hard to make them work but I've realized that maybe you can't really work out problems as big as we had. I'm making myself sick trying and really i don't need them as a friend. I wanted them as a friend but if that can't happen then that's too bad. I'll still call them if I'm around and hanging out in a really big group, I think, but otherwise if it's a small group or someone else isn't invited then I'm not inviting them. It's just not worth it to me anymore. So yes I must go back to my "busy busy busy" life. Oh and I will say that everyone should watch Glee next fall because it was so good last night! :)

Failure and Success

Should I write myself  out of the history books  and mark a place in time  for every chance you took  dont get me wrong  I know you've got your life in place  I've yet to take the hint someday  I'm sure I'll get the picture  Stop Waiting Up   When it all comes down  to a sunrise on the east side  will you be there to carry home  the remains of my wasted youth  this wasted time on you has left me  shaking in waiting,  shaking in waiting for something more 

ddd

ddd

Get out, goodbye Get out of my life Goodnight  And you're hot, cold You're not available You run while I lose control I miss you Forever you'll stay gold You know I'm not getting by I've lost it, you're in my mind And everyday's the darkest of my life (life) (I never said I was the best thing for you)  Baby, where'd you go?  I need you here tonight  Singing myself to sleep And you're still my favorite melody It's been three weeks How long can this go on?  Singing myself to sleep And you're haunting every memory  Get out, goodbye, get out of my life 'cause I'm drowning (when I close my eyes) And I'm fallin' (can't breath tonight) And a story I fade to black inside (I never said I was the best thing for you)

How do I find myself in these situations? It's called idiocy because a smart person would've realized the danger, especially after being in the same situation, through out the past year, and would've avoided getting hurt. Yet, Alexis being her smart self once again dives into something albeit more slowly this time, just to find out what she thought was over was only "complicated", thanks for telling me before and then not responding after. I'm not sure if I can keep waiting, i've tried I really have but I'm done... Btw I have not broken my guy sabbatical, I have sucessfully avoided dating! 

Disclaimer

Ok so I've realized that I sound like a boy crazy freak in half of these posts. But I'm really not I promise, I'm just a walking hypocrite mostly. I don't believe in teenage love but I'd like to find it. Yet, I think it's impossible so yeah... Plus I'm independent I don't need a guy and I really have more things going on in my life. So I'm gonna stop talking about guys for a while. 

WTK and FTSK Cop Run In

So I was up at about One to Three O'clock this morning, forgot which due to my haziness lol and i log on to see that We The Kings and Forever The Sickest Kids have been beaten by the cops in Philadelphia for absolutely no reason! What is this ridiculousness?!

Hm.. I think the song I'm listening to is about getting high/hard off of grinding. Now the hard think I can completely get since I'm guessing warm fuzzy sensations would be felt in the happy zone during the act of grinding (Yes I said the act of grinding lol) but high? Really now? If you're gonna get high on anything why wouldn't you just choose an actual drug? Pshh kids these days waste their youth on grinding instead of drugs. Drugs not love!

Lol that las thing so reminds me of this history teacher at my school, not in a creepy way or anything though. So... I fucking love this song! Anyway, so he tells this guy no love without gloves and he calls this girl the village bicycle lol! 

I think I'm gonna kicked off the track team because I skip like two practices a week. Idk I feel guilty but I'm really stressed with homework and projects right now and I hate track. Who decided it was fun to run around in a circle? I mean... wait actually that is kind of fun but only when you can do it at your own pace. I think I need new music because the whole pop/punk is starting to piss me off, I might go to my friend and ask him for more music for the third time... Except wait i copied his suggestions from the last time! Yes, I've avoided that situation :) Party Hearty Hearty... I'm so strange! 

Lots of Updates/ I'm Done

Well Updates! The concert last night was fabulous literally one of my best experiences all year! And I'm not going to Sadie's this week, thank god! :) But I think I might throw an anti sadies' extravaganza... even though i for some reason signed myself up for the committee. 

Now onto the being done part. So my ex boyfriend has decided that he's going to tell me everything about his current love life today. Including the fact that he made out with a girl the weekend after we broke up and that he got a semi lapdance last night. And i'm cool with that because I'm not sure if I really liked him like that to begin with. ( I mean we had awesome chemistry but after I started dating him I realized it was friend chemistry and not boyfriend/girlfriend chemistry). But just because I'm basically over him except for those few moments I miss him doesn't mean I need to hear all about his current exploits. I don't tell him about mine out of respect I think I deserve the same treatment. I mean it's been a month, exactly a month actually and yes we're still friends but that doesn't mean I want to be the one who has to be like I let your balls drop and ask her out. I mean that's what I told him to do because that's what he needs to do. Mi madre was right don't date emotional guys because they just bring baggage and drama, even after you break. Now that I've written that all out I feel a lot better :) and now i'm gonna go back to watching and listening to All Time Low who are so HOT!

Bored of Your Love Meg & Dia feat. Tom Higgenson

 Did you think about what I said last night? Knowing you, you probably didn't. I could picture your face on the other side, completely oblivious. Do you really feel like this love is real? I wish I could join you. I'm bored of your love. I'm bored of your face. I'm bored of your random all over the place, attitude. I'm bored of you. So I thought about what you said last night, normally I probably wouldn't. But something you said kept me up all night. I tried to sleep, but I just couldn't. I hope you still feel like this love is for real. 'Cause I know that I do. I'm in love with your love. I'm in love with your face. In love with almost everything you say. Yes it's true, I'm in love with you. I wish you would put effort into trying to make this new. I would if you asked me I'd do anything for you. I wish we were strangers in all the excitement, we'd fall in love. Can I take you out, just this one last time, we could pretend I never met you. Well I'd love to, it sounds like a lovely time, but I'm sorry. I just can't let you. I'm bored of your love. I'm up to my neck in this mess and I'm sorry. I'll remember your love. Remember your face. When it's over and done it won't quite be the same without you. I'll remember you.

Love this song! :)

Lyrics: Penny For Your Thoughts

I've realized recently that I'm a lyrics person. My drama teacher in 7th grade asked once what we noticed first from a song... most people said beats or melody but I said lyrics. Lyrics speak to me and makes me feel and identify with the emotions the writer is trying to get across. This is why I have songs I like for dances (fluffy lyrics) and songs I listen to when I'm feeling a certain way. I was reading Alex DeLeon's blog and I realized he's one of the deepest people alive (overstatement a little bit, I could be clouded by my love) and I had an epiphany. The reason I love The Cab's music so much is that the lyrics reach out and touch my soul. I mean the melody is awesome and Ian, Cash, Marshal and Johnson are amazing! But, it's the lyrics that I love the most because it draws me in and makes me think about stuff. Alex was describing how he came up with the lyrics for Zzzzz... So I listened to it again and I realized how much it related to my life. I miss so many things relationships that have been lost and the life that I left behind and the lyrics moved me a lot so I'm posting them for everyone so maybe they'll have the same effect for someone else. 

And I'm up, down, I'm spinning around High and dry and kicked to the ground I'm lost and I'll never be found My lips were much too shy The lines about you, they never rhymed You said I never get things right (I never said I was the best thing for you) And baby, where'd you go?  I need you here tonight Singing myself to sleep And you're still my favorite melody It's been three weeks How long can this go on?  Singing myself to sleep And you're haunting every memory Get out, goodbye Get out of my life Goodnight And you're hot, cold You're not available You run while I lose control I miss you Forever you'll stay gold You know I'm not getting by I've lost it, you're in my mind And everyday's the darkest of my life (life) (I never said I was the best thing for you) Baby, where'd you go?  I need you here tonight Singing myself to sleep And you're still my favorite melody It's been three weeks How long can this go on?  Singing myself to sleep And you're haunting every memory Get out, goodbye, get out of my life 'cause I'm drowning (when I close my eyes) And I'm fallin' (can't breath tonight) And a story I fade to black inside (I never said I was the best thing for you) 'cause I'm drowning (when I close my eyes) And I'm fallin' (can't breath tonight) And a story I fade to black inside (inside) Singing myself to sleep And you're still my favorite melody It's been three weeks How long can this go on?  Singing myself to sleep And you're haunting every memory Get out, goodbye, get out of my life 'cause I'm drowning when I close my eyes And I'm fallin', can't breath tonight And a story I fade to black inside

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return

"The only way of loving me baby is to pay a lovely fee"

"My words are my song!"

"The woman I Love... is dead"

There's this great song by Chris Ayers, who you should all check it out, called Vanity and I love the lyrics because it speaks the truth! The truth will set you free!

I've got this habit of looking up
at the sky, to stay rooted
cuz souls don't die, I don't think,
they all just get diluted (it's true and)

and sometimes when I'm staring
I ask “what am I supposed to do with
all this information? –
please give me back my youth.'

baby, your eyes are cold and jaded
come with me, and live unpremeditated
and even though you might lose control of what you meant to try to be
it's only vanity

you blame sinners and cigarettes
but you'd better just get over (all) that
cuz that TV's been real busy
making subtlety extinct 

were we wiser, maybe if we knew
what starts the souring of a view
then we wouldn't all drink so much
to relax away the kinks

baby, this party makes me feel jaded
so lonely and premeditated
and even though we might lose control of what we meant to try to be
it's only vanity

only vanity
it's not what you mean
or how you dream
about the life you'd like to lead
that's all forgotten, for the way it seems

lookin out on a summer's day
is better when it's on the way
than in retrospect, when your intellect
makes sure that you've forgotten

those side affects we can't prevent
like where april through august went
and how we ripened, and were left
here bruised and cold and rotten

baby, slide on into bed; you've made it
walk in sleep, and the risk is eradicated
now you know, you won't lose control of what you meant to try to be
and it's only vanity…

Update!

So, a lot's happened in the past week, I have news chicas! Or chicos as it may be. Chloe was here! And then left some highlights of chloe being here, Obama condoms, cute guys on the street of new york, in depth talks, Wicked, In the Heights, smoky hotel room. I love having Chloe here because she's one of the only people I'd tell everything to because she won't judge me, or get mad at me she just accepts my faults and loves me for my positives. Chloe also went to school with me which was a lot of fun. We also saw Moulin Rouge and I love it! It's great and I'm gonna quote it in my next post so beware!

My friend asked a guy to Sadies for me, but I don't think I want to go so this is gonna be AWKWARD! I had a black affinity group meeting today and it was hilarious and insightful. It really helped me understand the fact that the feelings I have about being a black student at a school where the majority is white is shared among the black community at the school. It also gave me a lot of insight into the minds of the black guys at the school who won't date any of the black girls. So I thought that meeting went quite well! :)

I have a busy weekend because I have a track meet tomorrow and I have some friends coming over on sunday so I'm excited! :) It's been so long since I've posted on here it's ridiculous... maybe i'll give you a little show to make it up UZN UZN UZN (Alexis strips in the background)

Quotes of the Day

Chloe: If Alexis were a step, I'd trip over her

Alexis (me): If chloe were a Oxford Jebers I wouldn't go into her because she's closed... wait... That sounds wrong!

Quotes of the Day

1. S: Alexis can you plug this in underneath the table?

    A: Haha

    N: (Knowing Smile)

    A: Well if that's what you want

2. K: I don't have to pay for anything (Wink Wink)

     S: That's cause you're a cheap whore!

     K: I'm not cheap! I charge 50 dollars!

     Everyone: Um...

     S: That's cheap I'd charge around $200 a hour

     K: What would you do for more than an hour?

     S: You'd be a horrible prostitute

     A: I'd be an escort

     S: Right, because you get paid more, get free dinner and a house

     A: Exactly plus if I'm gonna have sex with you I want more out of it

Whatta Man!

That sounds like such a perverted title but really it just reminded me of a song i listened to today called... (drumroll please!) Whatta Man by EnVouge and Salt & Pepa. "He's so crazy, I think I want to have his baby" I also heard a song by Cute Is What We Aim For that I loved called the Fourth Drink Instinct, "He said it was a one night stand, but the alcohol didn't let her understand. Yeah, he said it was a one night stand, a one night stand. So what made you think he couldn't find a door in the morning? When he found that bed so easily in the dark." "Girlie girlie you're at your best when you're sober" Ok done quoting songs

Gah

Why am I writing this? Well it could be because... nope I have nothing! I who have nothing! I have nothing, nothing, nothing! If I don't have you... Well I'm done with that now I'm done mentally bursting out into song! Or am I? I actually have something hidden up my sleeve! Somebody told me they thought I would be the person to gun down the school last year, which really pissed me off because I'm so not that person. In this book I'm reading for spanish the guy is insane, he stop taking his crazy pills and now has either dreamed up a woman he thinks has come to life, or has forgotten the story of this woman. So my last thoughts before packing up for school, I AM ALL A DREAM! IM NOT THE ONE YOU ARE LOOKING FOR! 

Por Que?

So why is it that I went 15 years without anyone taking interest in me and now there are two guys who are actively trying to get in my pants? I mean I know that my skinny jeans have fuck me on the back pockets (they don't) but still! My pants are my pants and no one's hands are getting in them... again.... well for now because I'm pretty sure my husband's will be in them but anyway that's beside the point. There's some guy I don't even know trying to get my number and he won't take no for an answer I want to throw a pie in his face a la the gay movement of the 70's. It's just screaming pie me now! And no not the fun pie that no one who reads this has tasted (mine or anyone else's) but an actual pie. My best friend is coming in three days! I'm gonna dance and shout and yell pollo frito (fried chicken) from the top of my roof. Apparently people have sex on the roof of my school, I'll have to remember that for the future except not really because me and sex are not going to meet each other for a long while. Now that I've officially mentioned sex... SEX! 

Confusion

I've decided that guys are just confusing.... Well ok not all guys just one guy but that doesn't matter right now! Don't you dare rain on my parade buddy let me continue my little rant! So I'm getting yelled at for something that happened a year ago! It's like one thing was mentioned today about blowjobs while sleeping and if it was possible or not and now I'm being chastised for a decision I made more than a year ago now. Yet, he can make a similar mistake and get away with it and I have no reason to feel hurt? It's just crazy, crazy and it's times like this when I'm like, why do I bother continuing trying to be your friend? And then I realize that it's because you're my Chris and i'm your lorelai... Yes I made a Gilmore Girls reference! Do you have a problem with that? Or your my last person was my Dean and you're my Jess. Either way it's a relationship that's so hard to explain that sometimes I want to scream! Which now makes me think of highschool musical 3, great... Now I wan't to find a gun on top of that. Which reminds me, being on top would be a lot of work. I was thinking, the work could be worth it depending on your position but wrong position and your getting a full work out while the other person does nothing. That's injustice! Injustice i tell you! Someone should look into changing that somehow maybe a new machine? I feel a new robotics competition coming on, where they can design those awesome machines that would help gynecologists practice their love all around America!

Party In Your Bedroom

So I told Lil that I would make a post with this name because I refered to this song and I think she thought I was seriously baked or something, although I wasn't... at the time lol jk! So, explanation time. It's a song by Cash Cash and I love it! So here's some of the lyrics... Dancing with your hands, turning strangers into friends. Touch the keys, please and unlock my heart. You're free to be a freak, change your picture every week. Show the camera, you a superstar. Upstairs all alone, one click for a show, you roof is on fire, you're losing control! There's a party in your bedroom all night long. There's a lot of talk about you, cause there's a party in your bedroom. All night long pretty girl it's show let it go! I don't remember how that fit in the context but it did in it's on little way. But that song is dedicated to Lillian who I'm going to win the hhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahah

hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahah

game against

This Weekend

So this weekend has been insane. So I went to a Jack and Jill Regional Teen Conference and loco it was! It started off with me skipping school on monday to board a train to Philly! The dirty city of brotherly love that I have so many great *interesting* memories in. So I get there and find out that I have a roommate and I decide to go to Hard Rock with my friends who I rode up there with. But my dinner is cut short but me being yelled out by one of my chaperones because I forgot to tell them where I was and they had been looking for me for an hour. What I don't understand though is why they didn't just call me, because they obviously had my number. So imagine this me, just meeting these people for the first time and already they hate me :(. Anyway so we go to this session and hear the delegates going through roll call and all this other boring logistical shit I'll skip over for the sake of your sanity. Next day comes breakfast, horrible, and then off to the session where we are 2 or 3 minutes late and the regional director flips a fucking load of shit! She starts yelling shut the doors, can you not understand english? shut the doors, you with the cap out! No not off out now! It was ridiculous and then we ended up finishing early even despite this... I'm going to fast forward a little bit to the dances. Because writing the entire trip is out is to tedious. So the dances were crowded, hot and yet still awesome. People were grinding up a storm though on the wall on the floor it was like you couldn't escape them and some people were just basically having sex. So I hadn't grinded until I moved up here me being a "good" southern girl and all and my first few experiences with it were so horrible that I didn't ever want to grind again. It's not really my thing really, because I feel kind of slutty afterwards idk maybe I am a good southern girl who knows. Unfortunately due to me being weak and giving in to peer pressure and trying to forget about a recent break up I went through, I found myself grinding. I grinded with at least 8 guys through the 2 dances all though some of them were maybe 2 seconds long and then I realized that they were ugly or my friends left to get water and others lasted for about 20 minutes. So it was the first time that it wasn't a horrible experience but I just started feeling bad about it. So once again i'm making a pact to not grind with anyone I'm not dating. Yet, the good thing is I wasn't grinding on the wall so that's good!

Another Music Note

Favorite Song? That's a toughie... right now... Where Were You? by Every Avenue

Favorite Musical Genre? Musicals or Alternapop

Favorite Band? The Cab, A Change of Pace, Millionaires, Every Avenue or Nevershoutnever!

Favorite Solo Artist? Luther Vandross, Stevie Wonder, Eric Hutchinson or Whitney Houston

Favorite Instrument? Guitar

What instruments can you play? I used to be able to play the violin but not anymore, and I'm trying to learn the guitar

Can you Sing? Not very well, but you know in my shower I can because in my shower I can do anything

Are you in a band? No but I'd date someone who was

Do you write songs? If so about what? I attempt to and about anything I'm feeling really

What was the last song you listened to? Hallie's Song by Eminem

What was the last cd you bought? Fire Away by Jennifer Hung

What was the last song you put on your ipod? Idk and it won't show on my itunes so that'll remain a mystery oh wait Fuck You by Lilly Allen

What was the last song you heard on the radio? Jesse's Girl

What was the first cd you bought? A sailor moon cd at the best record store in Atlanta, that just shut down.

What is your favorite musical? Rent or Wicked

What is your favorite theme song for a TV show? How Do I Look

What song describes you? Thank You For the Music by Abba because I don't know what I would do without my tunes baby.

What song describes you and your best friend? Emo Kid

What song describes your relationship or lack of? What's Love Got to Do With It? by Tina Turner